The Boy with the Beautiful Blue Eyes
by AlwaysCastle
Summary: Tears slip down his face, melding with the rain as he tries to shield her from it and the harsh realities of the world. The reality that their son is missing... AU
1. Prologue

**All right... re-posting this so it gets another chance. This will be an AU. Which I have never done before.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters except for whoever I make up from here on out.  
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><p><strong><em>Prologue<em>**

The air is bitter. Snow flutters down in large fluffy flakes from the over cast skies, casting a gloom over the city. The snow covers the ground, iced over from a recent rain, making the sidewalks treacherous and hard to walk on. Cars rush by along the busy streets, leaving clouds of white vapor from the exhausts in their wake. the air is fogged up around the cold pedestrians. What few people dumb enough to venture out, walk the frozen streets of New York City. Their breaths visible and mingling with one another. They huddle together as they go about their day, seeking warmth. The quiet of this cold January day is soon interrupted by a man fleeing an alley. He his feet _pat pat pating_ along the pavement, as he charges down the sidewalk, nearly slipping as he rounds the corner.

"**Stop!** _POLICE_!" Katharine Beckett's voice can be heard over cars honking and gasps from onlookers.

He looks behind him and collides with an open door of a nearby shop. Plucking himself up from the ground, he tries to ignore the scrapes on his hands just in time to see his female pursuer emerge from the alley he's just escaped. Everyone on the sidewalks stops to watch as she gains on the suspect. Kate pauses briefly, taking aim with her gun, but he's soon out of range. Now, her feet hit the pavement at a dead run. The slick asphalt clicking under her heels as her legs propel her forward. Her lungs burn with the effort to breath in the frigid air, and pain shoots up her ankles in the form of shinsplints.

But she holds pursuit, mentally fist pumping the air when the suspect slips on a patch of black ice trying to flee across the busy streets. He sprawls out on the ground in front of a taxi, who stops, honking the horn. She catches up, placing her foot on his back. Using the time to catch her breath, her hand retrieving her handcuffs from her belt.

"2135, this is Detective Beckett." She says into her walky talky. "I've got a suspect apprehended on 6th and Lex." She snaps the cuffs on both his wrists, now noticing that he's bleeding from a gash on his forehead. He's going to need stitches.

"We got him, Beckett." Esposito jogs across the street as she hoists the man up onto his feet. The guy groans, his long blonde hair falling from his ponytail, and sticking to the blood freezing to his forehead.

"Thanks." She pants, stepping out of the street to let traffic by.

"Welcome back." Her fellow detective grins with a raised eyebrow, having taken in her state, she's panting. "oh looky here." He then says, removing a 9mm from the guy who had it wedged in his pants.

"Did you miss this?" Ryan asks casually as he pulls up to the curb in his cruiser. The purple contrast of his gloves standing out against the black steering wheel. Esposito hands the gun through the window to Ryan, who bags it.

"You... Bet." Kate stands up straight, coughing and placing her hand on her chest, the other on her hip. Now that she's standing still, she notices the cold seeping through her tight jeans, and into her Bones. Her nose is frozen, and if she hadn't gone a little cross eyed, she'd think it was missing, or had fallen off.

"See you back at the precinct." Ryan says as Esposito shoves the suspect in the car and gets into the passenger seat. Espo nods at her and they drive off, lights flashing.

Kate bundles her black and tan plaid scarf tighter around her neck, removing her own purple latex gloves and replacing them with warm leather over her frost bitten hands. She had been at a crime scene going over the apartment for evidence when they realized a possible suspect was hiding in a closet. He had fled the scene, out a window and onto the fire escape. Kate was right on his heels. But she's a little rusty, so the suspect was quicker. She never thought she'd ever thank the winter weather. But if it wasn't for that patch of ice? He would have gotten away.

But she got him. She's still got it. With a proud smile at herself, she pushes her scarf up over her mouth, and puts her hands into her warm pockets of her black pea coat, before walking down the sidewalk and back to her car.

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><p>Her lips vibrate against the lid of her coffee cup on a hum as she leans back in her chair. Not only is this her first cup of coffee of the day, but her first in several months. Taking another long sip, she lets out a moan as the liquid warms it's way down her throat. Her eyes close in pleasure.<p>

"Would you two like to be _alone_?" Esposito asks. Ryan snickers.

Kate's eyes flick to the empty chair by her desk, and then glare at the two in such a way, they back off immediately and try to make themselves look busy while they wait on ballistics. Setting her now half empty coffee down on her desk, she turns towards the murder board. It's well into the late afternoon now. Their suspect, now patched up, sits in holding. But it's starting to look like he's pretty innocent, which makes Kate grit her teeth. She just wants to go home. Another thought she never would normally think. She loves work, sure. Misses the sounds of the phones ringing, the fax machine spitting out reports, and the chatter of detectives and officers alike all around her. The general buzz of the bullpen...But now she has more to look forward to in life then late nights here, an empty apartment and a fridge full of leftover takeout.

Her eyes linger on the empty chair again. And she misses Castle... a lot. She's not afraid to admit it. He couldn't tag along with her. He has things he needs to take care of at home, and writing for the next Nikki Heat book. But as she stares at the chair, grabbing a handful of M&M's and gulping down her last sip of coffee...she can't help but wish he was here to offer some insight. Not only would it help the case along, so she can go home, but she would also feel less lonely. Along with the ache in her chest, a longing. She can feel the pain crawling from her toes to her ankles. She bends down, rubbing at her leg. She ponders briefly on why in the world she ever wore heels to work. But then she remembers, they give her a sense of power. But still. To be able to go home, slip out of these heels and crawl into a nice warm bed. Seems pretty good to her right now.

"Yo, Beckett." Espo calls to her, snapping her out of her daydream. She looks up over the top of her desk, having been still rubbing at her leg.

"Mm?" She hums, grabbing for her mug, thinking about refilling it.

"Ballistics just called. Look's like the bullets from our boys gun, don't match the wounds in our vic." He stands from his desk, walking over to the whiteboard and moving the picture of their suspect. A Mr. Levi McKinley, from _person of interest_ to_ possible witness._

Kate sets her mug down on the desk harder then she meant, and sighs. Her hand comes up to sift through her hair in a frustrated fashion. Now with her hand on her hip, curling tightly into the hem of her black blouse. The other one is still in her hair, clutching at her roots just as tight. Kate stares at Esposito as if he can do something about this. He offers her an apologetic shrug. His eyes dart to the pictures adorning her desk before finding Ryan and heading out, and back to the crime scene for more evidence. Kate however, collects her mug and pulls her phone from her pocket as she makes her way to the break room. Once inside, she sets the cup under the spout, leaning her hip against the counter and texts Castle.

_Looks like it's going to be a late night._

It takes him five minutes to reply. By now she's walking back to her desk. Her heart fluttering in her chest in anticipation. _Holding down the fort. _Is all it says. But somehow it puts her at ease.

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><p>Kate quietly unlocks the door to the apartment. Slipping inside and closing the door carefully behind her. She locks it back up, setting the keys on the hook by the door, and then moving further inside. She braces herself on the door frame, lifting one foot, and then the other to remove her heels. She lets out a soft sound in pleasure. Freedom. She curls her toes, closing her eyes and biting her lip to then open them, surveying the apartment. It's cloaked in darkness, aside from the light shining under the crack of the door across the room.<p>

She makes her way through the apartment after removing her coat, and stops at the closed door. Pressing her ear to the hard wood, she hears nothing at first. And then the sound of clacking keys. She smiles softly, placing a hand on the doorknob, and pushing it slowly open. Kate peers around the door, one hand on the knob, the other curled around the door, cheek resting on the hard angle. The first thing she sees is the smart board in the corner of the room. It's screen dark and unused. She can't help but think back to the day she found it with her picture staring back at her. How she tentatively stepped up to it, curious. But when her finger tapped her face, her heart had seized to beat in her chest for just one painful moment. What she saw there nearly tore them apart.

What she sees now, as her eyes fall from the board to find the source of the clacking... stops her heart in a whole different way. It picks back up again, filling to the brim with warmth and love.

There, sitting at his desk is Richard Castle. His feet up, laptop in his lap, chair leaning back as far as it will go without tipping over. The only source of light, a lamp on his desk, casts a lovely shadow over his relaxed features. From this angle, his back is mostly to her, but she can see his brow knit in deep thought over what he's still typing. He's wearing one of her favorite shirts. A tight blue T, showing off those roguish biceps and broad shoulders. Kate bites down on her lip again, as her eyes follow the path from his jaw downwards until they reach his arms, muscles flexing a little as he types. But what really captures her. Is their baby, curled up on his chest fast asleep. Lulled into slumber by the clacking of the laptop keyboard. The bright light from the screen illuminates his tiny little body, and sandy brown hair.

She slips into the room then, not being able to stay away much longer. The day has been brutal on her maternal heart. When she's right behind Castle, she places her hands lightly on his shoulders to get his attention without startling him, and then smooths her hands down to his chest. She lightly touches their sons little head, before wrapping her arms around her husbands neck.

Kate buries her face in the crook of his shoulder, dropping a light kiss there. "I missed you." She whispers. Breathing him in. "Both of you." She then adds, kissing his neck and lifting her head.

Castle has stopped typing, his head turns towards her, brilliant blue eyes staring into her soul. "We missed you too." He says, giving her a smile. His eyes drop to their son, along with hers, and then their eyes meet.

She leans in then, capturing his lips with hers, humming against his mouth. Oh has she missed him. She doesn't know how she's going to leave her two favorite men each day to go to work. She can't take them both with her. And Castle can't even shadow her anymore because of this little one.

When she pulls back, she places a hand on his cheek. "Why isn't Alexander in his crib?" She then asks, her voice slightly stern, low in a hushed whisper.

She's constantly walking into their room to find he's never in his crib where he should be taking his naps. Often finding him in here with Rick, laying on his chest, or in his carrier as Rick types or reads to him. Once she found him in his carrier, mounted atop the piano while Martha played for him. Another time, when Alexis was home from college, the red head stole him and held up in her room with him for an hour. At first Kate would panic. A new mother as she is, and rush around the loft looking for him. And then she would scold Castle furiously, clutching the boy to her chest as she calmed down.

Kate Beckett always wanted to be a mother. No one ever knew that of course. She never expressed it. What with her job, and tendencies to be closed off. Hiding behind that wall. But now? As she lays a hand on her sons back. She can't see her life being any different. She has taken to motherhood rather quickly. And With Castle by her side, she knows she has nothing to worry about.

"Sorry." He says sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders a little before dropping his gaze to his son lovingly. "Just wanted to keep him close..." He then says, voice dipping low and husky as he trails off.

Kate rubs a thumb along the sleeping Alexander. His warm body filling the gap in her heart. The one she's been carrying around all day. He's what she's been missing all day. She's missed his tiny ears. The ones Castle swears are just like hers. His tiny nose. Castle's nose, and chin. But Alexander has her cheekbones, and the crease between his eyebrows when he's distressed. Just like Kate when she's deep in thought. His mouth, is upturned just a little bit, at the corners. Kate's mouth. And when he opens his big beautiful eyes, they shine up at his parents in the bluest of blues. Only, he has a splash of green in them as well. Like Kate's green, have a splash of brown every now and then. The Castle's have no idea what color they will end up being. But either way, he is the perfect mixture of both his parents.

Kate lets out a yawn, stifling it with the back of her free hand. "Bed?" Castle asks, hopefully. One eyebrow raised as her mouth still hangs open on another yawn.

"Mm." She replies, soothing a hand along Alexander's soft baby face. "I'll take him." She whispers, reaching her hands out anxiously.

Castle chuckles. His chest rising the infant sound asleep up and down rhythmically. "Okay, I will meet you in there in a few minutes...I just want to finish up this chapter." He pecks her softly on the lips, and then turns his attention back to his word document.

Kate slides her hands under her baby boy, carefully lifting him to cradle against her chest. Her heart sings on contact. A feeling she only gets when holding her precious son. She presses her lips to the top of his head, and makes her way into the adjoining room. Once she's in there, she stands in the middle of the spacious bedroom. Her eyes resting on the crib, the bed, her dresser where her pj's are, and then down to Alexander. Another yawn escapes her. Little Alexander lets out a soft sigh in his sleep, burrowing deeper into her embrace. She smiles, eyes closing as she breaths in his baby scent. She's missed him way too much today to put him in his crib.

So she crawls onto the large bed with him, settling his sleeping form on the sheets next to her. Kate sighs, letting her head drop sleepily to her comfortable pillow. Her arm wraps protectively around her son, and she just stares at him. Feels his tiny breaths under her hand. Hears the soft expel of air through his slightly parted mouth. There is nothing else like him. He's everything sweet and good in this world. A world she once only saw as harsh and unforgiving. But looking down at Alexander James Castle, a breath of her own life...he shows her the innocence she's been missing out on.

Kate closes her eyes, breathing in his tiny life into her body, along with the smells of the room. Of Castle. Before long, she feels the bed dip with Castle's weight, feels his hand rest on her hip, his warm breath on her cheek. He hums softly, and she opens her eyes. Her green catch in his blues, seeking refuge there. Home is there in his eyes. The only place she wants to be.

"I just want him close." She murmurs, resting one hand on Castle's stubbly cheek.

He closes his eyes at her touch. "I know." He says. "I understand how hard it must have been for you." He muses. His hand drops from her hip, resting on the one wrapped around their son.

"I love my job...but at the end of the day... All I want to be is here with you two. You're all I need." Her thumb caresses his jaw, smoothing over the hard lines, and making her way to his lips.

Kissing her finger, he squeezes the hand holding their son. "You know I will never keep you from what you want to do." He says. Ever since their first child was born, Rick Castle has become even more terrified for his wife's safety.

Kate sighs, pressing her thumb lightly against his lips, and then dropping her hand to his chest, moving her head closer to his, her body curling around Alexander's. Her eyes roam over Rick's face, seeing a softness in the lines of his features. But it's his eyes that give him away. "Shh." She soothes, bringing a hand up to push back the hair from his forehead. Calming his racing mind. She can practically hear his thoughts.

His eyes leave her green reassuring eyes, to rest on Alexander. The way she cups his small body against hers. Her hand protecting the little being they created, as if her very life depends on it. And it does. He knows for sure. But it's that life, he's most worried about. He would hate to have to tell Alexander, and maybe any other children they might have in the future, that their mother is not coming home.

"I will _always_ come home to you." She whispers. There is something in the way she says it. It's more then reassuring, more then a promise, it's the truth.

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><p><strong>Chapter one will be posted in a few hours.<strong>

**Thoughts? reviews are like my elixir of life...my muse. my...motivation... so you know what to do ;)  
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**P.s. This idea, came from a drawing I found on tumblr. and this is what it looks like : h t t p : / / t a m m y c o c c i n e l l a . t u m b l r . c o m / p o s t / 1 5 6 8 8 1 7 1 9 0 5 / o k - f i r s t- o f - a l l - s t a n a - h e r e - u - g o - n o w - y o u - h a v e**


	2. Chapter 1

**Don't even **_**think **_**about reading this unless you plan on reviewing.**

**Disclaimer: I do now own Castle.. just the characters I make up.. So Alexander James Castle is mine... You can't have him.**

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><p><em><strong>Chapter One<strong>_

The morning light shines in through the curtains. It is casting a glow over the bed, along her pillow, and onto her face. Sharp blue eyes stare into her sleepy greens as she opens slowly her eyes. Her heart skips a beat at the clarity of them, the ever mysterious specks of green that make them even more beautiful. She blinks a few times, trying to shake the sleep from her tired body. When she focuses again, all she can see is those eyes, peeking out from a head of long sandy brown hair. It lays disheveled over his forehead, brushing his cheekbones. Kate reaches out, pushing his hair from his face. He won't let her cut it.

"Mommy?" The beautiful blue eyed boy asks softly.

"Mm?" She replies, rubbing a thumb along his cheek, much like hers. He's almost absent of the usual baby face.

"Are you going to get up now?" He asks, batting his long lashes at her. His voice is soft as he leans his weight into Rick's pillow.

Kate pulls back, snuggling into the warm covers. "Five more minutes?" She asks burring her face in her pillow. She smells Rick in the soft sheets.

The boy sighs exasperated. Sitting up on his knees and looking towards the window. "I guess so." He relents comically sighing again, causing his tiny shoulders to raise up to his ears, and then drop back down on a long expel of air.

Kate sneaks a look at him. He's still looking out the window, purposely not looking at her. And then, she hears it: pans being placed on the stove and cabinets opening and closing. Then she smirks. She's watching as her sons ears prick at the sound, his body tensing. He's up to something.

She lets out a gasp when she hears a loud clang from the kitchen. She opens her eyes extra wide when her son looks back at the sound of her surprise. Her mouth drops open. "What's that?" She asks enthusiastically.

She sees him fighting back a grin. He shrugs. "Nothing, mommy."

"Xander." She fake warns, shooting her arms out of the warm haven to tickle the five year old.

"Nothing!" He shrieks, giggling madly as he tries to get away.

And then he's being lifted into the air, and tossed over his father's shoulder. "Breakfast is almost ready." Rick says casually, as his son flails on his shoulder.

Kate turns onto her back watching her husband stand in their bedroom on a Tuesday morning. His own sandy brown hair is in a disarray, blue eyes shining with mirth. He's dressed in a tight black T shirt, and red pj pants. The same ones Alexander is wearing. Not surprisingly, Rick was the one to insist on matching, against the small boy's teasing protests.

"Castle." Kate starts, sitting up. 'You are not making me breakfast in bed." Her hand rests on her stomach, smoothing the sheets while giving him a stern look in objection. She keeps glaring as he says nothing. Xander's backside is still to her, which has stopped struggling and now lays limp. A small sigh of defeat escapes him.

"Who said anything about breakfast in bed?" Rick asks coyly. "Did _you_ say anything Xander?" He asks the boy who is turning so he now faces his mother.

"Not me, daddy." He shakes his head, clapping his hands over his mouth, attempting to not giggle.

Kate smiles at him, her heart is almost overwhelmed with the love she has for this tiny human being. And he's just so damn cute. She nods at him, winking and putting her finger to her lips in a hush. Xander winks back, a slow over exaggerated wink that makes Kate cover her own mouth. With a smirk, Rick turns to give his wife a smile, and then walks out of the room. Xander waves from his position on his father's broad shoulder, before he disappears into the study, and out into the loft.

Kate settles back into the sheets. She waits for the sounds of breakfast cooking again, and smiles to herself when she hears Xander giggle. Humming, she sinks even deeper into the covers of her incredibly warm bed. She doesn't want to get up. But she has work in a few hours. Work. Kate turns towards the nightstand. 6:17AM. Work is at 8AM. She has some time. Her eyes drift from the clock to the pictures on Rick's side of the bed. One is from five years ago. Kate in the hospital holding new born baby Alexander James Castle. How much he's changed since then! He's already loosing that baby fat, making his cheek bones as prominent and striking as hers.

The other picture is her boy at age one. His first birthday. Rick insisted on a huge party, extravagant cake. And her argument, was that he was only a year old. He's not going to remember any of that stuff. His retort was: "I'll remember it." And that was enough for her.

The next is of Alexander and Rick at the park. The two have their backs to the camera. Hands holding as Rick looks down at his 2 year old son. Next to it is a similar picture of Alexis and Rick walking hand in hand. It's been wedged into the picture frame. Two kids...Alexis is very much her daughter, as Alexander is her son.

"Breakfast is served." Rick calls out. He walks into the room holding a tray. Kate can see a plate with pancakes and fruit, a glass of orange juice. She wishes it was coffee.

"Why are you bringing me breakfast in bed?" She asks, sitting up once more. "It's not my birthday." Xander rushes in, jumping onto the bed. "Or mother's day." She adds.

Xander bites down on his lip. A trait he got from his mother, and looks to his father. Rick however, shows no indicators. He just sets the tray on her lap. Kate doesn't look at the breakfast, but between her two boys.

"Do you want something?" She asks. Remembering how Alexis used to make Rick a special breakfast before she asked him for something big. And Rick, has also taken up the habit, and passed it onto their son.

Xander giggles "_Nooo_." He exclaims bouncing by her feet. Rick sits down beside her.

"Come on you two. You know I don't like surprises."

"Really now?" Rick asks all smug. "Because you sure like to keep them from us." He accuses playfully.

She raises an eyebrow, eyes drifting down to her breakfast. Pancakes with something written in blueberries across them. She bites her lip.

"Yea, Mommy." Little Xander tries to mimic his father.

Kate takes a blueberry, squeezing it gently between her fingers. "I was going to tell you... I just wanted to be sure." She looks at Rick apologetically.

He stares, for a moment, looking down at Xander with a raised eyebrow. The little boy nods, grinning. And then Rick's eyes light up. That smile she loves so much wrinkling the corners of his brilliant blues.

"So it's true?" He asks through his wild grinning.

Kate picks all the blueberries that are shaped like a question mark at the end of the word 'Baby'. And hands them all to her son. "Yes." She says her heart swelling at the sight of her two boys whooping in excitement.

Rick leans in, pressing a kiss to her lips and hugging her around the shoulders before pulling back and letting Xander kiss her cheek. And he just keeps grinning. She thinks she can even see a patch of moisture brimming in his eyes. She remembers the first time she told him about Xander. The pure joy and love radiating from that man could light up the entire city. And now? She's caught in the emotions of his soul.

"How did you know?" She finally finds her voice, almost choked up.

"Daddy is sightful." Xander pipes in, popping a blueberry into his mouth.

"Insightful." Rick corrects gently. He also steals a blueberry or two. "You made yourself a peanut butter sandwich the other day." He says over the juices in the tiny fruit.

"So." She replies drinking her juice. Oh how she wishes it was coffee.

"So, Then you ate it, with a pickle."

"Gross!" Xander pipes. He covers his face and makes a cute sound in disgust.

"Gross is right!" Rick tickles his ribs.

Xander falls back on the bed in a fit of giggles, and Kate watches this little morning exchange. Her hand rests back on her stomach absently. It's things like this that make it that much harder to go to work everyday. And now, there will be a new addition. She smiles softly to herself, watching as Rick lets Xander overpower him. Her thumb rubs the flat plane of her stomach through her shirt. She finds herself day dreaming about this new baby. What she'll look like. Yes, she would like a girl this time.

"Are you going to help us pick out a name?" Rick is now asking their son, who is now calming down from the tickle assault.

Xander stands up on the bed, almost losing his balance as his little feet pad along the bedsheets. He flops down besides his mother, pushing the tray down her legs, and pulling up her shirt to look at her flat stomach. His little finger comes up to his chin, and his head tilts in thought. She sees so much of Rick in that one expression.

And then Xander smiles, inspiration hitting him. "Sherlock!" The little boy proclaims raising his finger into the air with so much excitement.

Kate shakes her head as Rick bursts out laughing. "He's your son, alright."

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><p>Rick sits upon a bench later that day. It's mid afternoon on a beautiful spring day, the leaves now vibrant and green. Rick's jacket lays beside him. His usual spot is always layered with sunlight. He sits with a notebook and a pencil, leg crossed over the other where the paper rests. His eyes dart up every now and then to catch sight of Xander who runs around with the other kids on the playground. He can hear the laughter, and chatter of the kids, loud but pleasant amongst the small breeze batting at the leaves. The birds have also returned for the warmer weather.<p>

The writer's eyes drift down to his page once more. The stark white contrast against his dark blue jeans. But the pages lay blank. He can't seem to flit his mind anywhere else than to his son running around happily, and his wife, at work. Of course, his mind is always on them, but now he has more to think about. He has another one on the way. He's never had more than one small child running around. Alexis is all grown up now. With a good fifteen years difference between her and her little brother. Rick wonders how other people do it.

He looks up from his notebook, abandoning the idea of getting any sort of writing done. Instead he surveys his surroundings. There is a few groups of parents around. They seem to pair off in cliques like students in the cafeteria. To his left, are a half dozen or so mothers at a picnic table. Two of them have infants while the rest of their kids play together. Diaper bags and lunches are scattered on the old picnic table. Drinks and snacks for their children. Rick looks down to his side. All he has is a bottled water and a package of gram crackers in his jacket pocket. And he is the one who ends up eating them anyway.

He shrugs, fingering the blank pages absently as his attention goes back to the other parents. Off behind the group of mothers, who gossip loudly to themselves, is a lone woman sitting under a tree. He sees her here pretty much every day like all the others. Like himself, she must rather keep to herself. And then there are the men, or single fathers who lean against the swing sets. Chatting each other up about last night's game, and complaining about their working wives. Rick actually finds them more fascinating.

Xander breaks his focus on the group of men. He is getting his father's attention with his panting and raspy breaths. "Dad." He says, standing with his little body heaving in exhilaration.

Rick sets his notebook down, resting his hands on his son's shoulder to steady him. And then goes into his inside pocket for the boys inhaler. Rick shakes the inhaler a few times and put the mouthpiece to Xander's lips. Xander sucks in his medicine, and then Rick offers him the bottle. Putting the inhaler back into his pocket for safe keeping. They do this at least once or twice each day at the playground. It's nothing to worry about really, as long as the inhaler is always close at hand. Rick is sure it will go away with age. He had it himself as a young boy.

"Thanks, Daddy." Xander says turning to rush off.

Rick snatches his wrist before he can dash away. "Stay close." he says, giving him the eyes.

"Always." The little blue eyed boy recites with a grin and runs off to play for another hour.

Rick Castle smiles proudly. And then leans back against the bench pulling his phone out. He texts Kate. Telling her they are having a lot of fun at the park, and that they wish she was there. But he doesn't get a reply. This does not worry him. He knows that she must have a case. With a sigh, Rick draws his notebook back into his lap, tapping his pencil against his lips. But then a loud shriek startles him from the page. His eyes snap up to the playground, his heart seizing in his chest. There is a lot of commotion as a few mothers dart up from the picnic table, and a father from the other group rushes in. Some of the mothers shout for their kids.

"Alex!" He thinks he hears one of them yell.

And then the father who ran in, comes out from behind the monkey bars holding his crying daughter. She must have fallen. Rick still stays on alert, knowing that his own son adores the monkey bars. But then he sees him. A flash of sandy brown hair in the sunlight. He's up on the slide, about to go down. Rick pulls out his phone, taking a video right as Xander waves to his father. Blue eyes bright and shining with laughter before he slides down and out of sight.

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><p>Kate sits at her desk exasperated. She's been on her feet most of the day chasing down leads. And just wants to sit for a few minutes. But she still has several hours to go. Kate's phone chimes with the second message from Rick in the last few hours. She got the one about them being at the park, and a picture of Xander running around. This one, is a video of her beautiful blue eyed boy sliding down his favorite slide. She smiles to herself, letting the feeling of home wash over her, and sinks into her chair further.<p>

It gets her through the next half an hour. No new leads and added frustration. Standing by the murder board, Kate's hand goes to her stomach as it growls. She checks her watch and sees that it's well past two in the afternoon. Rick and Xander will be on their way home now. Her stomach growls again. She should eat. She is now responsible for the new little being growing in her stomach.

But just as she stands up, Esposito comes out of the elevator in haste. "Hey! There was just a sighting of our guy down town."

Kate snatches up her jacket and jogs to him. It appears she won't be eating anytime soon. She really needs to get this guy. And it's just her and Esposito today. Ryan is home with his sick daughter Ellie. They were working with Martinez and Harrison today. Kate's phone chimes with Rick's ringtone. She sighs, and answers as she gets into the elevator with Javi.

"Rick, I can't talk right now we are just about to bring down a suspect." She says hurriedly as the doors close.

"Kate." Ricks terrified voice filters through to her ears. Her heart freezes up. "Xander is missing."

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><p><strong>Review<strong>


	3. Chapter 2

After awhile, Rick glances at his new Ball watch that Kate had given him for his birthday. He has written about three pages in his notebook before he realizes that it's about the time He and Xander head back home. Sometimes make a stop for ice cream in the shop around the corner. As he stands up, a cool breeze sweeps in, rustling his hair and making him a shiver a little. He looks up into the sky, finally noticing that clouds have closed in on the beautiful day. Considering this is New York, it most certainly will rain. So he pulls on his coat and walks back to the playground. His notebook is folded and stuffed into his inside pocket. Rick pats his pants, making sure he has Xander's inhaler, and then steps into the wood chips that are spread along the ground.

"Xander!" He yells to his son, placing his hands into his pocket and pulling out a gram cracker.

No answer.

Rick walks closer. Perhaps Xander is just caught up playing with the kids, or hanging from the monkey bars. "Xander!" He yells through a mouthful of cracker and a smile climbs onto his face. He is expecting his son to jump out at him at any minute. He ducks under the twisty slide. Two kids run around his legs and off in another direction. By now, the park is less crowded, the day heading toward dinner time.

On the other side of the large play area, Rick can see that the slide and the monkey bars are absent of his blue eyed son. He kicks a few wood chips aside, laying a hand on the bars, and looks around. He spots the mothers still at the picnic table. Only three of them are left, and even they are gathering up their children. Hoping to beat the rain, his eyes go to the tree. That woman is gone as well. And all the dads have dispersed, except for one by the swings. Rick can see a pair of tiny feet appear and disappear in the air over the slide as the child is pushed on the swings. But he doesn't see any other feet.

Rick feels that familiar ice creeping into his veins. His left hand tightens around the cold bars, while the other goes up to his hair. He is pushing it away from his forehead as he turns several times. His eyes are constantly scanning the area. But every search comes up empty.

"Alexander!" He yells out, running around the jungle gym to the other side. He's starting to sweat. Breaths coming out in puffs of anxiety as he frantically searches the park for his son. He must have looked everywhere at least twice. The tunnels inside the slides, under the picnic tables, in the trees, around the whole area. He is at it for at least fifteen minutes before he rushes to one of the mothers that is left.

"Have you see my son?" He asks. He's completely hysterical. His hand is unconsciously crushing the bag of graham crackers inside his pocket.

The woman shakes her head, holding a toddler on her hip, her free hand wrapped around her own sons little hand. She shakes her head. "No. I'm sorry, I haven't." She says sympathetically. Her eyes are wide and filled with concern for him. He looks up to the sky as a raindrop smacks him in the eye. He blinks, and then again as more rain drops start to fall.

"Thanks..." He says weakly before turning away from her. His hand is back in his hair, clutching at his scalp.

He's near tears as he digs out his phone. He has to call Kate. This is not like the last time Xander went missing. It was one of the first times they brought him to the park three years earlier. He had fallen asleep in one of the tunnels. It took them nearly an hour to find him. But this time Rick knows it's not the same. Xander always stays close, and he always comes when he is called.

His fingers fumble with the phone. Crumbs from the crackers are getting in the way of his trembling fingers as he tries the simple task of pressing her speed dial number. Rain sprinkles down onto his touch screen and he swipes it away angrily. Then he thrusts the phone to his pulsing ear. Meanwhile, his eyes continue their mad sweep around him. All kinds of horrible scenarios are attacking his brain and he just can't focus anymore. His boy, his son is really not here.

"Rick, I can't talk right now we are just about to bring down a suspect." He vaguely hears her say as he does another few turns still searching. His heart is in his throat, rain pelting down on him.

"Kate." He says. His hand practically ripping his hair out of his skull. "Xander is missing." He barely gets out. His whole body is shaking his voice wavering.

Kate is silent for a moment. He can hear the elevator ding. "Did you check everywhere?" She asks. She must know it's a stupid question, but he knows that she is just trying to keep a level head.

"Kate.. I looked _everywhere._" He can actually feel his heart beating against the fabric of his shirt. It's dark where the rain beats him."The tunnels. The monkey bars, the swings, the trees, the picnic tables... even the field beyond the fence. It's pouring out here, Kate.." He says her name again, strict and terrified.

"The slides?" She asks, although her voice as dipped and he can hear the struggle. She's failing in the attempt to stay calm.

"Yes.. I checked the slides." His attention shifts to the plastic slide attached to the monkey bars. The bright yellow is assaulting his eyes and actually making them hurt a little. He swears he just saw his son sliding down it a little while go. He even took a video while he watched as his happy little boy slid down and out of sight. Out of sight. Rick's mouth opens in horror. That was the last time he saw him. "He's not here...he's gone." And then the tears come. He nearly drops to his knees in the soaked wood chips.

"I'm coming." Is all she says before the line goes dead.

* * *

><p>Kate slams her car door and doesn't even wait for Esposito before she's transitioned into a full sprint. Esposito is right on her heels, on the phone with Ryan, and uniforms following him. When she reaches the gate, she shoves it open. It crashes against the other side before swinging back violently, almost catching Esposito in the hip. She's running through the paths in the park, feet splashing in the various puddles already forming. All thoughts of searching the park herself are gone when she sees her husband. He's sitting at the end of the yellow slide. The bright yellow of it is practically glowing in the overcast skies. His body is crumpled, head in his hands. When he hears the wood chips crashing under his feet, he looks up, standing. His stricken eyes find hers. She's soaked through by the time she reaches Rick. And then she's in his arms.<p>

She collides with his body with full force. Nearly knocking him over. She doesn't miss the utter distress in his face, tears mixed with rain as she buries her face into his chest. She can feel his body shaking, and when it racks with sobs against hers, she knows this is serious. This is real. Something horrible has happened to their son. She doesn't need a full explanation or pure evidence to know. She's a cop. She's seen it all before, and she knows her son. He would have shown up if he was okay.

"I am so sorry." Rick is rasping into her neck. She just holds him tighter. Shushing him gently. And then the rain stops. She turns her head to see Esposito standing with an umbrella over their heads.

"Ryan is on his way. And CSU is already sweeping the area." He says. Kate pulls back from Rick's chest, but still holds onto his waist. She's gripping his hand so tightly it hurts both of them. Esposito is trying to be the level headed one. But a look of worry for the little guy is evident on his face.

"What happened?" Kate asks a stoned-faced Castle.

Esposito gets out his notebook.

"I honestly don't know." He says, his voice ashen. His face is wrinkled so that all his worry lines are prominent and his blue eyes are dull.

"Anything is helpful, man." Esposito says gently.

"Okay.." Rick wipes a hand over his face. "I was sitting on the bench over there." He points off. And the two detectives follow his gaze.

Esposito's eyes move quickly to uniforms canvasing and trying to get a hold of anyone who might still be in the park. But it's raining. And it seems like everyone has vacated the area for the remainder of the day. Kate's eyes follow, landing on the bench, to the place she knows Xander likes the play the most, the jungle gym and the slide they are standing next to. Her eyes blur at the image of this yellow slide. She knows Xander's too old to have fallen asleep in one of the tunnels like he did when he was two. He hardly takes naps anymore anyway.

"I was writing in my notebook and looking up and watching him. Like I always do..." He stops, looking between the two as if trying to convince them, as if he thinks himself a bad father. Kate rests a hand on his arm, staring into his eyes. She knows. He's anything but a bad father. "I know he's always going to be there.. he always stays close...always..." He trails off. Closing his eyes. Kate cups his cheek, urging him to continue. He sighs. "He ran up to me once out of the time we have been here for his inhaler..."

Rick's eyes grow wide, and a fresh set of tears stream down Kate's face. Rick retrieves the inhaler from his pocket. Letting the small contraption lay out in front of the three of them in the palm of his hand. Terror takes over his entire body, along with Kate whose knees go weak.

"This can't be happening." She says. Shaking her head and covering her mouth as a sob escapes her. She literally cannot stand anymore. Rick hands Esposito the inhaler and steadies Kate.

A uniform runs up then, his hat brimming and overflowing with the rain that has picked up since Kate got here. "We might have found a possible witness." The rookie is saying, pointing off in the direction of a parked mini van. The car is running the windshield wipers quickly trying to disperse the oncoming water.

"Ask her to stay, will you?" Esposito tells the rookie, seeing a middle aged female in the drivers seat. The rookie nods and jogs off.

"Maybe you should take her home, Castle." Esposito urges. "I'll go take her statement. Ryan should be here any minute and we will call you as soon as we hear anything. I promise." He adds that last part. Touching Kate's shoulder as she shakes her head in protest.

"She's pregnant." Rick feels the need to tell his friend, as Kate shakes and sags further into him.

"I will call you." Esposito promises again.

Rick starts to move. Pulling her along with him. "NO please!" She begs, struggling in his tight grasp.

"Kate. It's raining." He tries to point out, tightening his hold on her. She's pushing him away. "Javi's got this." He implores.

But Kate's not having it. "No! I'm staying. I am going to find him!" She cries out. She can hardly see as she breaks away stumbling out into the rain and making her way to the mini van. But Rick catches her from behind. Holding her arms down at her sides so she can't push him.

"Kate. You can't. It's cold. You're soaked!" He yells over her sobs, turning her around in his arms. She's trembling so bad, his own body quakes with her vibrations. The look in her eyes is breaking his heart and he can hardly control himself. "Think of the baby." He says, letting go of one of her arms and resting it on her stomach.

Kate looks down, placing a hand over his. But then holds it, pulling it away from her. He takes hold of her wrists, pulling her back. "Rick, please." She sobs, hitting him repeatedly in the chest until she melts into him.

Rick rests his head over hers, his arms wrap protectively around her shaking frame. Tears slip down his face, melding with the rain as he tires to shield her from it and the harsh realities of the world. The reality that their son is missing.

* * *

><p>Kate can hear Rick's hushed tones from the other room. Sees his shadow through the open door into the hallway. He's pacing back and forth, certainly wearing down the carpet. She closes her eyes. Closing off from him and the harsh light filtering in through the hallway. It's dark outside, and pitch black in the room as she's curled up on his bed. The bed of her beautiful baby boy. She clutches Xander's favorite stuffed animal to her chest, one arm wrapped around the dog named Sherlock, the other on her stomach. She soothes herself, caressing her flat stomach, trying to reach out to the new life barely starting to grow inside her. But she can feel it there...unlike in this room. Full of Xander's things, his toys his clothes. His smell. But she's utterly aware of his absence.<p>

She buries her nose in the dog's soft fur. A new wave of sobs start racking her already aching body. She will never be done crying. Not until her blue eyed boy is back in her arms. With her eyes closed she can see those eyes. Bright and smiling. Just like Rick's... She wants to be mad at him for making her come home. But she can't bring herself to that point. She needs him, and she knows that he's doing this for her.

A shadow casts in the doorway, blocking out most of the light from the hall. "Kate." Rick's husky voice, sore from his own sobs breaks through to her.

Kate opens her eyes. Raw, and burning with the constant tears. She let's her eyes adjust. Her heart clenching and shattering all over again at the look on her husbands face. "Nothing?" She asks, her voice ripping at her throat.

Rick shakes his head, his chin dropping to his chest before he swiftly moves into the room and kneels in front of her. " The only witness we have said she saw a white woman, 5'6" in her early 40's walking out of the park with a kid." He says, looking into Kate's red rimmed eyes. "Esposito said the woman only noticed because she had seen the woman in the park before and she never had a child with her. She just thought that because she had never spoken to the woman, and never seen her with a kid of her own, it seemed suspicious especially with what happened today... but she wasn't sure."

Kate wipes at her eyes, taking in the information as best she can with a detective frame of mind. But she can't stop the image of some stranger walking up to her son and just taking him. He must be so scared. She wipes at her eyes again and sniffles. "What about the canvas?" She asks.

Rick looks down. Fingering the missing eye on the stuffed dog. "CSU hasn't found anything except for a few traffic cameras in the area surrounding the park." He says barely above a whisper. His eyes come up to meet hers, and he reaches out to her. "But they did catch the woman leaving the park in a blue Ford Escort." She looks hopeful for a brief moment before he delivers the final blow. " They followed it as far as they could, but they lost it somewhere on 55th." He says defeated. His hand cups her cheek, and his head falls to the space between her chin and the bed.

"What about the plate number?" She asks tiredly, although there is still a hint of hope in her voice, that is void from her eyes.

"When I hung up with Javi, Ryan was scanning through the surveillance tapes. But Kate.." He pauses, looking up and brushing a strand of hair from her face. "The angles of the camera are making it hard for Ryan to make out the plate... and there is also the rain,_ and_ distance to consider."

A small tear slips from Kate's green eyes, forging a well worn path down her cheek and over her nose, where it drips onto the stuffed animal. She pulls on Rick, pushing the stuffed animal aside. Rick climbs onto the bed in front of her. Pulling her head into his chest, wrapping an arm over her waist. Complete silence fills the small boys room. His haven. If only the confines of this room could have kept him safer from the world.

* * *

><p><strong>You know the rules<strong>


	4. Chapter 3

Kate wakes with a few hours of sleep. The colorful contrast of the room making her have to blink her eyes a few times. Shifting a little, she looks over to the far wall, painted green. The others are red, yellow and blue. Each color splashed with even more color. Kate thinks back to the time they gave their son his own room. Rick had emptied the spare room next to Alexis'. Spread plastic over the entire floor, and then painted each wall it's own color before letting Xander throw paint on them. He loves color...

He has a built in bookshelf in the wall across from her. It's filled with every children's book imaginable, with book ends shaped like animals. But the small boy is not just prone to one thing. He has a star ship model propped up on his dresser, stars all over his ceiling, stuffed animals everywhere and a remote control helicopter and car in the corner of his room with some bean bags. A mobile with fish dangles over by the window. He likes to sit on the window seat and watch the people of New York go about their day. He has a very keen eye for observation, something he got from both his parents. He oftentimes will rush down the stairs to find either herself or Rick, and explain to them the things he saw, what certain facial expressions might mean if he is stumped. And then Rick will follow him back to his room and sit with him, making up tall tales about the people down below.

This is his sanctuary. Or "bat cave" as Rick dubbed it the day they set it up for him.

Kate turns towards the window, where she can see the light peeking in. Just far enough away from the bed so the light doesn't cast over her face and blind her. She then looks over her shoulder towards the open door. Half expecting her little blue eyed boy to rush in and demand a day at the park. _Xander._ She closes her eyes on a wave of emotion. _He's not here._ She thought she was hugging him close while she slept, breathing in his cute baby boy smell. But when she opens her eyes, she is met with the one missing eye of his stuffed dog Sherlock. Not his sandy brown hair that is always disheveled over his forehead, or those piercing blue eyes. Her own hint of green do not stare back at her like the morning before. Only the blank one eyed stare.

It hits her all over again. Her heart stops, her skin starts to quiver from within, radiating outward in a quake of despair and escaping through her mouth on a hitched sob. It echos in the empty room. This cold space that latches onto her as she is curled so tightly in the fetal position. She can't move. Not from this bed, and not from this room. Not until She has her boy back in her arms...But she has to get up. She has to do something to get him back. Go to the precinct, find some leads. Look over that tape with a fine toothed comb...but she's just so...

Rick's phone rings into the deafening silence. Echoing in the hallway. He must have been on his way up. She sees him now there in the doorway and sits with her back against the headboard, knees tucked into her chest as she wraps her arms around them and the stuffed dog. And then Rick is sitting on the bed, squeezing Kate's hand as he answers. "Anything new?" He asks desperately.

"Yea." Ryan's voice filters through. Rick put's him on speaker. "I have been going over these tapes from the park. And I couldn't get a good look on the plate number, the angles are all wrong. _**But**_, from one of the camera's I could see a store across the street. So I went there." He's saying, his voice rising in excitement as Rick and Kate look at each other with new found hope. "When I get there, there is an awning. And guess what?" He doesn't wait for a reply. "There are a few cameras hiding under it."

"Please tell us you got something." Kate says her voice harsh and raspy from crying in her sleep.

"Yes! Because of the awning and the angle, we were able to get a license plate number. We are running it now." A collective sigh whooshes out all three of their mouths.

"Any other leads?" Rick is now asking, his heart leaping out of his chest.

"Well, at first, Javi and I thought that someone might have taken Xander for retribution for a past case." He starts.

Kate gasps covering her mouth and both her and Rick start thinking of who that might be.. but the list goes on and on. And the more they think about it, the deeper their hope falls.

"We have been pulling all of Kate's old files and searching for those who just got out of prison, recently paroled or for someone who might be holding a grudge." Ryan's voice sounds disheartened and terrified. He has a child of his own. A few years older than Xander.

"_At first_.. that suggest you don't think that anymore?" Rick and Kate look at each other, not sure if they should feel relieved or more stressed out.

Ryan sighs tiredly into the phone. They both can tell he's pulled an all nighter. "So far nothing pops."

"Got something!" Esposito's excitable voices yells through the phone. There is some shuffling of papers and then a chair being rolled up to a desk.

"What have you got?" Kate wipes at her tear stained face, a bit of her detective voice coming out. She's now pressed against Rick's side.

"We found a match." He says.

Both their bodies tense in anticipation. As if this is any other chase for leads. Only their reaction is more intense. This is their little boy.

"Blue Ford Escort with license plate 415-LTS, a New York Plate."

"We are on our way." Kate presses the end button on Rick's phone, shooting up from the bed and wiping her hair up over her head from her face. Her skin is tight from all the dried tears and her muscles are sore from staying in the same position for so long.

She starts to leave the room, dropping Sherlock onto the bed. But Rick's hand on her wrist stops her in the doorway. "Kate." He says, his voice soft but haunting. He eyes her up and down. Taking in her shattered appearance until his eyes rest on her stomach.

"Rick, I have to do this. I have to find him." She says desperately, but she brings a hand up to his cheek.

"Eat something first." He pleads. "Don't run yourself out..." He trails off, his hand laying flat on her stomach.

She nods, laying her hand on his. "And then we go."

* * *

><p>"No I am coming up with you!" Kate is yelling at Esposito.<p>

Ryan stands by his car. The building off to his right, the cars to his left. Ryan is looking on as Kate is trying to put on her vest. SWAT has just arrived and he watches as she becomes more determined on joining them. But Rick won't have it. Esposito, gives Kate a look of pity as Rick snatches the vest from her shoulder, and throws it to him.

"Beckett." Esposito is saying, throwing the vest into the back of his car and shutting the door. "Gates said you can't have point on this one.. you're..." He trails off, looking at Ryan and then Rick for support.

"To close?" She yells back. By now Rick has her by the shoulders and has backed her up against the car. "Damn right I'm close! That's my son!" She points at the building, her finger shaking with intensity as her body is obviously fighting to give in on itself.

Ryan doesn't know what to do. And the look on Rick's face is breaking his heart. To be the one to try to stay level when clearly Kate is losing it. Ryan can see how much his good friend is holding back. He can't imagine what they are going through... Ryan thinks about his little girl at school..losing her? It's unthinkable.

"Kate. Please, honey, we can't go up there." Rick's pleading with her as she tries to shove him aside once more. She's completely ignoring him and walking towards Esposito who locks his car and stands in front of the door for good measure.

SWAT are all out of their vehicle by now. Ryan looks over and sees them staring at an hysterical Kate. They know how abrasive she can be as a detective, but they have never seen her as Kate, Mother of a five year old son. One of the members nods at Ryan and then the building. They are ready.

"Got the warrant?" Ryan asks, stepping up to Esposito who nods, while Ryan places a hand carefully on Kate's trembling shoulder. "We got this." He says, his blue eyes boring into her mourning green.

"Kevin... please." She asks. She losing the tough exterior and fast. She looks so tired and broken.

He places both hands on her shoulders, and inclines his head. "Kate. We've got this.. we won't let anything else happen to him okay? And once we have the apartment cleared. We will call you up." He squeezes her shoulders gently.

Kate can only stare back. Ryan catches a glimpse of Rick moving closer. "He better be okay." She says. Her voice reaching a steely defiance. He doesn't take it personally.

"Here." Rick stands beside his wife, and offers Ryan, Xander's inhaler.

The Irishman takes the medication in his hand, and fixes it in his belt next to his gun. He brings Kate into a hug, and then pats Rick on the shoulder before nodding his head at SWAT and the building. Esposito gives them a grim smile and a nod, and follows. Ryan steps up to the buildings entrance, un holstering his gun after Esposito, and then opening the door. Esposito goes in first, SWAT assembled behind the two detectives. Ryan looks back at his friends, Kate has succumbed and is now leaning against the car in Rick's embrace. Ryan looks up towards the sky, and sends a silent prayer to the universe before going inside.

And then it's just them. All is quiet except for the pattering of feet up the back stairwell. Ryan can hear the team behind him and the heavy breaths of his partner ahead of him. And he knows his panting has nothing to do with the flights of stairs. And everything to do with what's at stake. They haven't a clue with who they are dealing with. If Xander is completely unharmed... And this undeniable pressure to bring him down there safe to his stricken parents.

They encounter a few tenants of the building on the way. Which Ryan instructs for them to go safely back into their respectable apartments until SWAT has done their sweep and deemed this building and all it's floors safe. When they get to the third floor. Esposito approaches the entire hall with caution. So far everything has been quiet, and they would hate to tip anyone off about the fleet ready to storm in and rescue the little blue eyed boy.

There is no need for his notebook this time, to remind him or Esposito of the apartment number. The two find it right away. Creeping up on both sides and waiting for SWAT to station themselves. Now, more than ever, the feel of Ryan's service pieces has never felt so cold or heavy in his life. He looks down at both his hands holding the weapon, trying not to shake. And then he looks up at his partner. They nod at each other, and then Esposito presses his ear to the door. It's as if everyone has stopped breathing at once. Esposito shakes his head. Ryan frowns and gestures to the SWAT. A few members silently walk up to the door and use an infrared sensor to see into the apartment. But nothing pops on the small screen to Ryan's left. There is another nod. It's all decided amongst them that a standard take down is in order.

He knocks and then Esposito's voice rings out: "NYPD, we have a warrant, open up!" When no one answers, Ryan and Esposito are flanked, left and right before Esposito kicks in the door.

But the team is met with an empty apartment. "Clear." Ryan hears from various parts of the apartment until all members of SWAT have gathered together. Ryan clicks the safety on his gun, and regretfully holsters it. "I'll call them up."

* * *

><p>"He's not here?" Kate asks, stepping into the room and doing her own little initial sweep with her eyes and turning around several times. "Did you check everywhere? Closets? Hiding places in the wall? He's a small boy.. maybe she hid him, or he crawled under something..." She trails of, knowing how ridiculous she must sound. But she can't help it. When Ryan shakes his head, her heart sinks even further if that is possible.<p>

The apartment is rather small. Even for one person. And it's a mess. Paper's scattered all over the kitchen table, and end tables in the living room if you can even call it that. Disgusting dishes in the sink that let off the distinct smell of rotting food. It's obvious, from the general mess of things, that this person is either a slob, or hasn't been here in several weeks. From what Kate can see, there's nothing personal about the place either. Aside from a single photo sticking out of a mirror in a hallway leading to the only bedroom. She stares at the image of a small boy, he has soft blue eyes, and has a similar look to Xander.

"No...but we found these." Kate turns around, arching her back to look around the door frame as Esposito walks in from another room with a stack of photos in his purple gloved hands.

She rushes over, and Ryan hands them each a pair. She snaps her's on, as Rick joins them, brushing her elbow soothingly before putting on his own. They each take the photo's

"What are these?" Kate asks as the thumbs through them.

"Surveillance photos." Rick's deep angry tone comes from beside her.

She gasps, seeing one of Xander up on his favorite slide. "She's been stalking him... who is this woman?" She then asks outraged and terrified. How could they not have notice?

"Cecily Gilmore." A uniform walks in from the bathroom holding a prescription bottle and hands it off to Ryan. Esposito looks at them over his partners shoulder.

"Prescriptions for Zoloft." Ryan reads giving the bottle to Rick.

"Prescribed by a Dr-"

Kate leans in, snatching up the bottle. The pills, half full make a rattling sound against their plastic confines. "Beasley, Henry Beasley."

"_We_'ll give him a call, ask him to come down to the precinct." Esposito emphasis the word 'we'. But quickly shuts his mouth and pivots towards his partner who's afraid to argue from the look on Kate's face.

"No. _We_." She gestures between herself and Rick. "Will go down to his office." While _you_ two." Pointing at Ryan and Esposito. "Start with the canvas. I want this woman's whole life canvassed. I want to know everything about her. Her credit history, priors, family, and even every _single _hair color she's _ever_ had."

* * *

><p><strong>You know what to do<strong>


	5. Chapter 4

**Song to listen to: "Somewhere out there." From the Disney movie "An American Tail"**

* * *

><p>"Zoloft is an SSRI drug used to treat Dysthymia Disorder, a type of depression." Dr. Henry Beasley is telling Ryan and Javi. They sit in the small office uptown at Beasley's private practice. Ryan is scribbling down notes while Javi tries to listen. Taking everything in so he can relay it back to Kate and Rick. But he's having a hard time. All he can think of is that poor little Xander is out there somewhere, scared, and not understanding what is goign on... And then there is his asthma to think about. Javi just hopes he hasn't had any attacks.<p>

He refocuses after a small tremor spreads up his spine. Those blue eyes flashing in his mind. He blinks a few times to ward them off and looks to the Doctor who is still speaking. "One of the side effects of Zoloft is insomnia. Ms. Gilmore has been suffering from it badly for months now." The tall graying man stands up from his desk.

Ryan and Javi take this as a cue to leave. The doctor obviously won't give up much else, what with the doctor-patient confidentiality thing and all, which only pisses off Javi more. But he holds back.

"Thank you." Ryan says shaking the mans hand while putting his small notepad into the inside pocket of his jacket. Javi just nods at the doc, and exits the room not waiting for Ryan. Once outside the door he's seething.

"You know.. I hate that rule!" Javi practically blows up, pushing open the door and stepping out into the sun.

He's nearly knocks over by a couple strolling down the sidewalk, not having been paying any attention at all when he came out of the small building. He's irritated. And having to tell Kate for the millionth time that she _cannot_ work her own son's case is wearing down on him. The look of betrayal she gave the two of them before Rick pulled her away and drove her home. She looked about ready to kick his ass, hyperventilate or have a complete meltdown. Perhaps all three.

"I know." Ryan is saying nudging his partner. "But from the sounds of it, he doesn't think she's dangerous."

"That's not the _point_." Javi spits out, walking around the car. He flings the door open staring at his partner over the top, "Xander still needs his medication." He gets in slamming the door.

Javi grits his teeth, turning the key in the ignition forcefully with a look of pure determination. He takes a deep breath and pulls out into traffic. The two are silent for quiet some time before Ryan's phone pings.

"I got a text. It's the dress of a Audrey Fisher. Cecily's next of kin." Javi defuses just a little bit at this and looks to Ryan expectantly "Maybe her sister can shed some more light on what kind of person Cecily is." Ryan tries to sound hopeful.

Javi nods, but tightens his grip on the steering wheel. "What if we don't find him?" He looks over at Ryan, whose mouth drops open and a look of loss crosses his face.

"We will." He says, trying to sound as convincing as possible. Usually he would be the one to say this. But he's not just thinking of Xander, but of his daughter Ellie. He would do anything to get her back, and that is what he will do for his friends. And Xander, the beautiful blue eyed boy who stole their hearts the moment he was born.

* * *

><p>Kevin Ryan sinks down into the cushions of a beige leather couch. Two small kids run around behind them from room to room, playing cops and robbers. Ryan can feel his partner beside him. He doesn't need to look over to see how tense his face is, even though his eyes are crystal brown and moist. From the corner of his eye, Ryan sees Javi slip his hands between his knees, crushing them together as the small boys make loud gun noises in the other room. He chances a look. Javi has his eyes clamped tightly shut, and his jaw is tense. Xander and Javi like to play cops and robbers together when ever Javi visits. And Javi always lets Xander be the cop.<p>

"Would you two like something to drink?" Cecily's sister Audrey asks as she takes her own seat in a matching chair across from them.

"No thank you." Ryan replies kindly, retrieving his small notepad.

Javi says nothing, and Ryan has to nudge him a little. "No.. but thank you." Javi finally says when one of the boys shrieks and dies on the carpet to their left.

"You're here about my sister?" She asks. She tucks a loose strand of black hair behind her ear. Ryan notes that she looks very much like her sister, who is younger, from what he can tell from the photo on the table beside her.

"Yes, we have come to believe that your sister Cecily has kidnapped a little boy." Ryan tells her as calmly as he can. But the anger at her sister is bubbling up inside him, much like Javi, who seems to have let him take the lead.

Audrey gasps, her hands flying to her mouth. "Are you sure?" She asks, her eyes going glassy and darting to her own boys, the other seems to have revived and the two have resumed a new game.

"Yes." Ryan says, and goes to say something else but Javi cuts in.

"Do you know where you're sister might have taken him?" Javi asks, his voice surprisingly even.

Audrey looks upwards, thinking. She purses her lips and shakes her head, finally looking back at the two detectives. "No... I haven't seen her since..." A tear slips down her cheek.

"Since what." Ryan asks gently, leaning forward a little.

"Since my nephew Alexander, died of cancer a year and a half ago..." Javi and Ryan look at each other with raised eyebrows and then look back at Audrey.

She wipes at her eyes. "Cecily fell apart, became depressed, she wasn't sleeping, she refused to believe he was gone. She lost her nursing job, and her husband Lucas left her. He couldn't take it anymore. And then she.. she severed all contact with the family.. I don't know where she is." She wipes at her eyes again, taking a tissue from the box on the end table beside her chair.

"The little boy she took. He's five years old, and his name is Alexander." Ryan takes out a photo from his wallet and hands it to Audrey.

She gasps. "He looks like my nephew.. that explains it." She then says, staring intently at the photo of Xander.

"Explains what?" Ryan and Javi ask at the same time, now at the edge of their seats.

"I got a call...from a number I didn't recognize...on Sunday... I think it was.. I think it was Cecily." She wipes her eyes again, sniffling and gathering herself before handing back the photo.

"What did she say?" Ryan asks, tucking the photo back into his wallet.

"She.. She told me that Alex wasn't gone, and that she found him.. she was going to get him back."

* * *

><p>Rick stands in the kitchen waiting for the water for tea to boil. His face is ashen. All the worry lines in his face making him appear much older and stricken. His blue eyes, which blink several times to ward off the tears, are dull and moist. There is no light left in them. Every now and then his eyes dart to his phone on the counter. He's still waiting for an update. The boys are currently talking to Cecily's Doctor, and all four of them are waiting on any news about any family she might have.<p>

His hands grip the counter, knuckles white as he tries to keep himself grounded. But his resolve slips when he looks towards Kate. She's in the living room, curled up on the couch holding Sherlock. She wont let go of it. He can see her from where he is at the counter. The back of her head tipped forward. Her chin on the stuffed dog, knees are probably tucked up to her chest. A plate with a half eaten sandwich sits on the armrest to the right of her.

He rubs his hands over his tired face. He hasn't slept at all since Xander went missing. He's glad that Kate got at least a few hours in. But he knows that what little sleep she did get was not fitful. Her eyes are half closed today, sunken and dull like his own. Dark rings have fixed themselves under her eyes and she's pale. When she fell asleep on Xander's bed the night before, she was still crying, even in slumber. Assaulted with nightmares, that Rick knew would take over him the second he let his eyes close. But he's not as worried about himself as he is his wife. He's worried about what this is doing to her, and the unborn baby now in her womb. He knows all to well the kind of suffering she is currently going through. He's seen it. And he's terrified that she might never come back from this...if...if they don't find their boy.

Taking his eyes off the back of Kate's head, he looks around him. He finally realizes how quiet it is in the loft. Xander is not a loud little boy, but Rick can always hear him playing in his room. Either it be him singing to himself, making up stories or adventuring into the Mesozoic era with his toy dinosaurs. But now, standing alone in the kitchen while his wife slowly but surely closes off, Rick Castle hears nothing. He slumps against the counter when he notices that he never turned the water on for tea. He's been so lost. And the silence is deafening. Pushing down on him, creating an unbearable weight in his chest. The place in his heart where his boy is supposed to be. Only with his absence, a hole is beginning to form. He now understands what it means to be down the rabbit hole.

He leans forward, his head resting on the cold marble counter top. His eyes are burning, and he doesn't think he can keep the tears in any longer. And then he hears it. A soft humming. He looks up, Kate still has her head on her knees, but now she is humming. She moves just a little, wrapping her arms tighter around her knees and Sherlock, her left cheek laying flat on the dogs furry head. She tops humming. And the silence over takes them again until she starts to sing.

What he hears, sets the tears in motion, and then there is no stopping them:

"Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight," She sings it slowly, pronouncing every word as it's own syllable. Her voice is shaky, barely audible as it comes out in a rasp, "some, one's thinking of me, and loving me tonight."

Rick doesn't waste anymore time. He's on the couch and gathering her up in his arms. Kate collapses into his embrace, her lip trembling as she tries to keep singing. Her and Xander's song. She sings it to him every night before he goes to bed. Rick can feel all her weight meld into his body. The sobs that rack her small frame, and the tears streaming down her face and dripping onto his bare arm.

She keeps singing with great difficulty. "Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer," She hiccups, clutching at his shirt. "that w we'll find one ano th ther in that big somewhere out there." And then she can't sing anymore. Kate buries her face in Rick's neck. Her tears soaking his shirt and forging a path down his chest.

He holds the back of her head smoothing his hand down her hair and back, and up again as soothingly as possible. When another sob escapes her, loud and echoing throughout the silent apartment, he pulls her into his lap and rests his head on her hair. His own tears stream down his face. He sniffles, and sings the rest of the song for her.

* * *

><p><strong>I cried typing this part...<strong>


	6. Chapter 5

_**Come back to me**_** by Trading Yesterday, inspired most of this.**

* * *

><p>Javi leans forward, the new information has brought them closer but they aren't there yet. His desperation is palpable, "Audrey, this is very important. Cecily is a nurse so she is bound to know if anything health-wise is needed to take care of Alexander. He has asthma and needs an inhaler. How would she go about trying to help the child she thinks is her son?" He's practically out of his seat, his heart pounding.<p>

Audrey sighs and is visibly shaken, "Around three months ago, when the insomnia and depression became horrible, the doctor she worked for threatened to fire her because some of his prescription pads were missing. They had no proof but they believed she had done it." One of her boys rushes in, climbs into her lap, and stares back at the two detectives.

Ryan turns away from the small boy's curious brown eyes to talk to Javi. He whispers excitedly, "If she has one of those pads, she can write Xander a script…"

"And we might be able to trace her through the pharmacy she has them filled at!" Javi feels as though a little bit of the weight that's been bearing down on him, has been lifted.

Ryan turns quickly and pulls out his phone, "We need to put out feelers to all the local pharmacies in the area, and find out whether a police report was filed about the theft of the prescription pads." The sound of his fingers typing quickly on his small keyboard is heard.

Javi rises too and whispers back to Ryan, "And send plain clothes detectives to the most likely places she would go."

Now they are finally getting somewhere, they are even finishing each others sentences, and as Javi turns back to the distraught sister, he has one more question. "Audrey, thank you, you have been _very _helpful. One last thing, where did your sister get her prescriptions filled?"

Audrey answers immediately, "I know she got them at Tom's Pharmacy on 3rd and Avenue of the Americas. I even filled a few for her to make sure she took her medication. I think I even have a bottle here…hang on a sec…" She gets up from the chair and exits the room, her small boy balanced on her hip.

Ryan leans back in, "Plain clothes are getting the pictures we have of Cecily and Xander and are setting out to canvas as we speak."

Javi turns back to Ryan, "Have them focus on all pharmacies in the area of 3rd and Avenue of the Americas. If that doesn't turn up anything, we can widen the canvass. Let's get him partner…"

"At the very least, she isn't going to kill him, she's going to take care of him. That is, in all of this, a comfort for Kate…" Ryan chokes up a bit but fights it down.

Javi finally finds his barrings and pats his partner on the shoulder, "I know bro. I know. Let's go find him."

Audrey returns with an empty prescription with Cecily's information printed on the label, "There you go detectives. Please find them but don't hurt her please? She is so confused and hurt…"

Ryan answers in kind, "We will do everything we can, we promise."

The detectives leave the apartment with a spring in their step…

* * *

><p>The bench is sturdy beneath her. Something to hold her up when she might otherwise sink to the cold damp ground. The day, now warm and absent of clouds, has been quiet aside from the few kids who run around the playground past her blurred vision. She can hear their little feet kicking up wood chips, but it's their shrieks of delight as they play together, that surrounds Kate. It warms her. Just a little bit, although the light will never return until her boy is safe in her and Rick's arms.<p>

She couldn't stay in the loft. Couldn't look Rick in the eyes anymore... the eyes that mirror Xander's. Her heart brakes every time, because she can see the struggle in Rick. How much he has been trying to stay strong for her. And she isn't going to deny that she needs that from him. She needs him more then ever. But she knows that he needs to feel, not hold it all in for her sake. So she left him alone on the couch after she gathered herself.

And now, as she sits alone on their bench. She just can't feel anything. It's almost as if...Her old heart has come back to swallow her whole. It beats like a virus, infecting her soul, and drowning her. It's foreign to her now... this parasitic heart. The one that knew nothing of the love Rick as shown her. Nothing of the love she never knew she was capable of until she held her beautiful blue eyed boy. She just wants him to come back to her. Whatever it takes...

She closes her eyes, dipping her head to her left shoulder. Her hand is resting on the warn wood. She imagines her little boys hand in hers, and she closes it. Feeling nothing but her own quivering flesh. She clamps her eyes shut tighter, turning her palm to the sky, leaving it open, hopeful. A breeze sweeps in, rustling her hair up around her face, ghosting it's cold touch over the flesh of her hand. And then something warm slips into it. She gasps, opening her eyes to meet the sweet blue eyes of Alexis.

Alexis squeezes Kate's hand, bringing it up to her heart. She sits down beside her, and leans into her shoulder. "Dad said you might be here." The young woman says quietly.

Kate can see she's been crying. Her blues blood shot and the skin underneath a little swollen. Kate lifts her hand, wiping at the rings under her daughter's eyes with her thumb, and then smoothing the back of her hand along her cheekbone. Alexis closes her eyes, leaning into Kate's touch, and the lifts her hand to grasp her wrist lightly. The two sigh, just taking in each others small comforts. They are all they have.

"I've missed you." Kate says after a good long silence. Mixed with shared pain traveling along the heartstrings of their little family.

"Me too." Alexis offers, dropping their hands to her lap. She opens her eyes, tilting her head to one side and regarding her surrogate mother. Who's been more of a mother to her these past five years.. perhaps longer, then her own flighty Meredith.

"I am out numbered." Kate tries for humor, but it comes out as a sigh.

Alexis pats her hand, nodding and giving her an apologetic look. "Dad is waiting at home for us... Ryan is coming over with Jenny and Ellie for dinner. And so is Lanie and Esposito. Oh and your dad."

Kate's shoulders slump. She's not sure how she feels about being around everyone. Even if it's her family. And she doesn't want to step back into the loft. A space that used to be full of joy, only now the walls seem ominous and suffocating. She looks up at the girl, squeezing her hand, and then moving it to her own stomach.

"Dad told me." Alexis says, trying to smile, but Kate can tell she doesn't know if she can be happy about it. Not with the absence of her little brother looming over her.

Kate pushes a stray piece of red hair away from Alexis pale, heart shaped face. "It's okay to be excited... I am..." She trails off, dropping her hand and standing up. "Let's go home."

* * *

><p>The entire family...well...<p>

The adults sit around the table later that night. The food has yet to be served, but they have gathered around to hear what Ryan and Javi have found out about Cecily. As they both recount their findings, Kate sits next to Rick, His hand resting protectively on her thigh as Ellie lays draped against Kate's shoulder. She's fast asleep. Her seven year old body, is curled on Kate's lap as best she can. Her hands fisted in Kate's shirt, head resting on her shoulder. Ellie's soft blonde hair tickles the exposed skin there. Her body shifts, her parted lips pressing a little into Kate's neck, her breaths feather light against Kate's skin, giving her a small sense of home. She closes her eyes every now in then, taking in the warmth of this small child, and wishing she was Xander.

Kate lets out a sigh in relief along with Rick when they learn that at least Xander is being taken care of. Not to say that doesn't make them any less determined to get him back. Her father, drops a reassuring hand to Kate's other shoulder. Kate looks over at him, pressing her cheek to his hand and then smiling softly at him.

And then dinner is being served by Jenny and Martha. Kate barely pays attention to what has actually been cooked for dinner, and instead drops her eyes to every last one of her family members. Alexis sits beside Kate's father, who is on her left. Next to Alexis is Martha's empty seat while she dishes out the food. Javi sits at one end, Lanie to his right. Kate notices the way his hand never leaves Lanie's, although her other hand, lays suspiciously on her stomach. In a way Kate recognizes all to well. She can't feel anything right now about it though. Not even bothering to hide how lost she has been. But she will talk to Lanie.. once her son comes back home to her.

And then there is Ryan, who's watching her from across the table. He asks silently with his eyes, if she is okay with Ellie there. She answers, with a small tilt of her head downwards to look at the girl, and an arm that wraps around her. She wants to keep the innocence as close as possible. Jenny sits down beside her husband, pecking him on the cheek.

Rick sets a plate full of food down in front of Kate. She stares down at it, her stomach turning, and then up into Rick's soft blues. He pleads with those eyes, and she reluctantly removes one hand away from the girl, and takes a bite of what seems to be mashed potatoes, but it tastes like ash in her mouth. It takes her several minutes to realize that someone is directing a comment at her. She looks up, sees Javi across the table. And everyone else is staring at her. But not as someone who was being rude... just a very lost mother.

"Now we just need to wait.. even though I would like to just get out there and get him." Javi is saying now.

"But we will find him, Kate." Ryan adds.

"We will bring him home to you."

Everyone looks at the two detectives with mixed emotions. But one thing is for certain. They all have a lot of hope, and that makes her friends sound more promising now more than ever.

* * *

><p>He can see his small reflection in the back window of the car. The city lights rush by and distort his image. He looks away from the window for a moment to stare at the sad lady who is driving the car. He frowns at her from the backseat, and stares out the window again. He starts to see the lights of the buildings and cars around the car slowing down, and then the car turns into a parking lot of a place he doesn't know. He doesn't know where he's been this while time. And even though this woman is nice.. he just wants to go home. He doesn't understand what's going on, and the more he thinks about it, the more frightened he becomes.<p>

The car stops. And the woman unbuckles her seat belt while looking over her shoulder at him. "I will be right back, I am going to go get your medication." She says, reaching out to him. He sinks further into his seat to get away. She frowns and then shakes her head a little before looking at him again. "Be good, Alex." And then she's out of the car.

"Xander." The little boy mumbles unhappily as he hears the doors lock all around him.

And then he's alone...so very alone in the backseat of some strange woman's car, wearing clothes that are too big for him, and hugging a stupid stuffed hippo that most definitely is not Sherlock, and it smells funny. He pulls himself up to the window, latching onto the hippo for comfort even though he hates it. And it's pink, he hates pink.

His little nose presses against the cold glass, one hand coming up to rest next to it. He looks across the parking lot, draped in darkness except for the street light off to the right. It's a large building, off of a busy road. Cars snake in and out of traffic, and their speed frightens him, along with the silence in this confining car. He's not afraid of the dark...never has been, but without the comforts of home, he is afraid of all the things that could come out of it and get him. Just like this sad lady who grabbed him from the park.. in the middle of the day.. when the sun was shining... Xander hate's to think of what could get him when everything is black.

Another car pulls into the parking lot. Xander ducks down, gasping. His little heart pounding in his chest. He listens over the sound of his rasps. A car door slams... the sound of feet, then nothing. After another minute he creeps his gaze back out the window. The entrance has a sign over it...

"C c ll ii" He sounds out. He learned to read a few months ago. His parents were so proud of him. "Clin cli nic. Clinic." He says, brow creasing... he doesn't know what that is...Whatever this place is, that lady hasn't come back yet.

Xander sighs, wiping both his hands over his face like he's seen his father do, and then sinks back into his seat. His dad. He misses him. His deep blue eyes like his own. They make him feel safe and his big strong arms that wrap around him when he's scared.. and his mom.. mommy. Her green brown eyes, and her gentle touch. Her soft voice. He closes his eyes, trying to hear it now in the deafening silence of the car. In this big city far from home.

He rasps out a breath, feeling his asthma acting up. But he knows he has to calm himself... just like his mommy taught him. So he takes in a deep breath, hearing his mother's voice in his head. He hums aloud to her lyrics. And then a tear is slipping from his bright blue eyes. The green in them darken as he starts to sing.

"And even though I know how very far apart we are," He stares out the window, hand reaching to the cold glass, into thin air. "It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star." A small sigh escapes him, and just before he opens his mouth to continue singing, the driver's side door opens and the sad lady gets in.

She's looks back at him with a smile, buckling her seat belt and handing him a bag. She turns the key in the ignition. Xander's eyes grow wide. His little heart pounding out of his chest at the idea that he is on the move again. Traveling out into the city, making it hard for his parents to find him. He gasps when she pulls out and into traffic. Xander tries not to look at her, seeing her eyes darting every few seconds to watch him and then back at the road.

"Take you're medication." She tells him softly, with love he doesn't want.

Xander looks down at the bag in his lap, and opens it, spilling the contents into his little palm. Out pops an inhaler. The second his tiny hand wraps around it he hears sirens. His eyes snap to the windows. Heart jolting with recognition. Never in all his life has he been more happy to hear the harsh wails of police cruisers. And as he puts the inhaler to his lips, he can't help but smile against the plastic before sucking in his salvation.

* * *

><p><strong>~smiles~<strong>


	7. Chapter 6

The air around them is charged, thick with an unresolved hush. A collective inhale. Waiting for the word on Xander before they can all breath again as one. For now it's as though he and Kate are in between living, and dying. Neither willing or able to make a sound. Or move. He doesn't see the point anymore. If the outcome turns out to be his worst nightmare. He knows that neither he nor Kate will live the same way again. He curses his writers mind, and all his years at the precinct. All the worst case scenarios. All the things he wishes he could stop thinking about. But the longer he goes without his son, the worst they get. The harder it is for him to think more positively. And watching his wife... poor Kate with the new baby inside her... and her first born missing from her life... Rick's mind keeps going back. Far back to before they met. When she got the news that her mother was murdered. He can't imagine what that is like...and having something like that happen again? For him to witness...he wouldn't be able to come back from that. He wouldn't survive, and neither would she. He knows this, and he is terrified.

His daughter shifts beside him. Jarring him from his inner terrors. He blinks several times and looks around him. His family is gathered in comfort as best they can. Just their presences helps. And if it weren't for them, he and Kate would surely be deep down the rabbit hole. Alexis sits against the armrest of the couch, her body melded into her father's side. Kate lies on his other side. Her body leaning on him for support. She's tense. Body quivering a little as she absently feeds her hands through Ellie's hair. The little girl sits in front of Kate's curled body, playing with the ears of Sherlock. Ellie must know something. She's attached herself to Kate this entire stay.

He's glad for the little girl. She's keeping Kate a little grounded. Her innocence an anchor that he just can't give her. There is only so much he can give, and nothing he has said. Because these two never need words. Just a soft look or a touch, and all are known. It's what makes them perfect for each other. Rick's hand rubs up and down Kate's arm. Her head on a pillow in his lap. If it wasn't for the soft rise in fall under his hand, he would think she wasn't breathing. From his angle he can see her face tight with awareness, and a hint of the absence of a full nights sleep. Her other hand rests on her stomach, under her shirt. Feeling the life inside her... the only one she has for the time being.

Alexis has her eyes closed, both arms wrapped around one of his. But he knows she is awake. Who can sleep at a time like this? His mother sits next to her on the armrest. Her head dipped solemnly, her face the most serious he has ever seen. She's very still, aside from her constant spinning of her bracelet. Every now and then the lamp catches it with its light, and flickers an anxious dance on the far wall. Jim stands directly behind Rick. Hands tight on the back of the couch. Rick doesn't need to look back to know what the man looks like. His thoughts are most likely flashing where Kate's have been several times.

Lanie and Javi stand off to the side, Javi leaning on the door frame, Lanie with her back flat against him. Her hand lies across her stomach, splayed out across its flat plain. Rick knows this move. He has seen his wife do this constantly while pregnant. It's a simple form of protection for the tiny being that grows slowly in Lanie's womb. She must be frightened for her unborn child. Afraid of what the world could do to him or her. Seeing it play out morbidly for her friends. Javi must sense this, as Rick watches. Lanie's breath hitches on a silent sob, her eyes close. Javi rests his chin on her shoulder, placing a hand over hers and squeezing her lightly. Lanie opens her eyes turning her sad face towards the window. Out into the vast city. Rick is sure their thoughts are all in the same place. Where is Xander in this huge city?

Ryan and Jenny sit in the chair opposite him and Kate. Jenny's eyes on her daughter. A look of wanting in her eyes, but understanding that Kate needs her. Jenny doesn't need to follow around the police, or write a book about it to know the dangers. She must see it in Kevin's face when he goes home to her. Must have had that flash of panic when she found out she was pregnant. Just like Kate and Rick did. Looking at Kevin now. With both is arms wrapped around his wife. Both their eyes on their daughter. Rick can see that they had the same thoughts before bringing their kids into the world. They couldn't let the fear of their jobs, all that they have seen, scare them away from happiness. But to live the way they want despite it all. Even now, the only regret Rick has is not keeping a better eye on his boy. He wishes he had kept him closer.

Rick so badly wants to believe they will have their son in a matter of a few hours. It's how he would write it. Or would never have written it at all. But this is the harsh reality. He has no control over what happens. But that does not keep him from being hopeful. And he's not just hopeful. He's certain. This is the part in any case where they have done everything they can. Now they all just have to wait for their efforts to pan out. However unbelievably painful it is to just sit here and wait it out. Rick knows that there are people of the NYPD spread throughout the city. Keeping a look out. All Cecily has to do is walk into any pharmacy or clinic, and she'd be spotted. And then they will be notified.

Then there is her apartment. Which during dinner, Cecily's sister had called with the address of her sisters old home. Said it would be the only other place she would be. Audrey had said it was the first home she had after getting married. The one she lived in with her son and husband before her son died, and her husband left her. Before her world came crashing down around her.

What makes this hard... is that it is easy. Cecily didn't take Xander out of spite for a past case. She's not a crazed fan of his books. She's just another victim. Suffering from her own life's tragedies. It's her grievances that make this harder for Rick to hate her. She's inadvertently turned his family into victims just like her. Only...because of the circumstances, her lonely motives have made it easy to find her. She's not hiding. She won't see them coming.

So when Javi gets a call, saying Cecily has just been sighted at a clinic on Spring and Crosby Street. Everyone jumps up from their positions about the loft. Kate springs to her feet in a daze, Ellie runs to Jenny dropping Sherlock onto the floor.

"I want all units. No lights, no sirens. I don't want to spook her." Javi orders into his phone. He's stepped away from the door way, Lanie holding onto one of his arms.

"Yes, Sirens." Kate's voice breaks through the hushed excitement. She's bent down to retrieve the stuffed dog, and now holds it tightly to her.

Ryan turns to her. "Kate, we don't want this to turn into a hostage situation." He says gently, in a manner in which tells Kate she should know this.

"It won't." She says. Everyone is staring at her as she stands clutching the only lifeline to her son. "Trust me, she won't, and she won't hurt him." She's practically pleading.

"Katie." Her father steps around the couch towards her. Her eyes dart to everyone, who is again looking at her like she's starting to lose it.

She shakes her head. "No. She thinks Xander is her son. She won't know we are coming... and I want..."

"Xander to hear us." Rick finishes, pulling her to him by the waist.

Kate nods, looking into her husbands loving eyes. She wraps her arms around him, crushing Sherlock between them.

"Yes, turn on the sirens." Alexis speaks up.

"He's a smart boy." Martha slips off the armrest to Alexis, holding onto both her shoulders.

Javi nods, everyone agreeing silently. He tells all unties to make them known. Xander will know he's about to be rescued.

* * *

><p>The sirens guide them through traffic across town. An audible beacon of hope. Kate sits in the passenger seat of the car, shaking with the overwhelming need to just have him in her arms this second. She doesn't think she will last much longer. And she can feel him. Their lives connected in a way only a mother would understand. She knows he is close. Can almost feel his excitement as the sirens scream out their rescue. The red and blue lights that are flashing in front of them have never felt more reassuring. This time Kate knows she won't be ducking under that forbidding yellow tape. No. Kate is certain that she will be bringing her baby home.<p>

Javi and Ryan pull up to the curb in front of them. They are out of the car and unholstering their guns before Rick pulls up behind them

"Stay in the car." Rick says gently before stepping out.

"No." Kate says even as his door slams shut and he's already halfway to her fellow detectives. Kate pushes open her door, dropping the stuffed dog onto her seat and exiting the car.

"Uniforms say she hasn't shown up yet. And they have no way of knowing if she left Xander in the apartment or not." Ryan tells them. His gun rests at his side, much like his partners. They don't think they need them, but keep them close just in case... in case the unthinkable happens.

"So we are going up, you guys need to stay down here." Javi says, catching a look from Kate she just can't help.

"Wait here to see if she shows up, with or without him." Ryan fills in the blanks.

Kate bites down the urge to argue. Instead she nods at the two of them. Walking back to the car and wrapping her arms around herself as she leans against the passenger side door. Ryan and Javi walk across the street to Cecily's building and then they are out of sight. Rick walks back to her; the blue and red bouncing off his face and making him look more cryptic then ever. She holds a hand out to him.

"Want to sit in the car?" He asks taking her hand and leaning in to kiss her on the temple.

"No...but you can. I just..." She sighs, pushing the air out of her lungs raggedly before looking up into his blues. "Need some air." She then says squeezing his hand.

He kisses her softy. "Okay." And then he's around the car, and sitting in the drivers seat with a close of the door.

Space is really what she needs. Which she hates about herself. It's something she has never been able to alter even since they got together. Even after they got married, and had Xander. She wishes that it was the closeness that gave her strength. Which it does. But oftentimes, it's her old need of independence that helps her get that last bit of her bearings. And Rick knows this. She's so thankful for him and his complete understanding. He knows she is not pushing him away, and that is what counts.

Kate lets out another sigh, leaning further back into the car at her back. Arms tighter around her middle, shielding her stomach. Shoulders tense, breathing strangled as she looks up and down the streets beside her and in front of her. Her heart is fluttering madly in her chest, quicker than a hummingbird. She can feel the pulse in every inch of her body. She wraps her arms tighter around herself, trying to suffocate the feeling.

Javi and Kevin should be at Cecily's door by now... hopefully. But Kate honestly does not think Xander is up there. The lonely woman had a son once. She wouldn't leave him home alone to run simple errands. This is really what she was doing. In Cecily's world...Xander is her son Alex, and she was just driving through the city as she probably used to, and picking up his medication. The boy in her back seat is not someone else's child to her. But the one she lost. The one she refuses to let go.

Kate unwillingly clings to this idea. She may hate the woman...for taking her son, for tearing them all up inside... but she sees this act for what it is...desperation. A broken woman trying to cling to the idea that her son didn't die. And that will be the hard part. Trying to convince this obviously lost woman that she needs to give Xander back.

Kate's eye catches movement to the sidewalk to her left. She turns her head ever so slightly. Her heart quickens if that is possible, and that pang enters her chest. It takes up residence there. Her body pivots so quickly to face the left, she's surprised she doesn't get whiplash. A yard away, walks Cecily, Xander's hand in her own as they make their way down the sidewalk. They haven't seen Kate yet. But she can see that Xander is trying to get his hand out of Cecily's. It takes everything in Kate not to run for him. Instead, she steps away from the car, walking to the end of it, eyes glued on her son. Cecily stops in the middle of the sidewalk, getting a better grip on Xander, who in turn glares at her. They continue to walk.

"Alex, we are almost home, just wait." She is saying. A prescription bag in her other hand. It swings back and forth wildly as he keeps struggling in her tight hold.

But Xander is not listening. He pushes at her hand on his, trying to pry himself loose. His body tense and pulling away with all his weight. The lights keep flashing, bouncing off the walls of the buildings around them, reaching his small frame as they move closer.

"Let go!" Xander yells at the woman, his tiny voice reaching Kate's ears. Something she never thought she would hear ever again. Her heart does a leap. She has to keep forcing herself not to move.

The bag drops to the ground, Xander looks down at it, and then up. When Kate's eyes connect with his brilliant blues, her heart erupts. Xander's eyes light up, and then he's pulling his hand free from Cecily who has bent down to retrieve it. Carelessly loosening her hold on him.

"Mommy!" He yells.

And then his little feet are carrying him down the sidewalk. Cecily is yelling to him, but he doesn't look back as Kate frees her feet from the pavement below her and runs to him. The car door opens somewhere behind her, and then she's crouched on the ground, his warm body slamming into her with such force it nearly knocks her over. She buries her face in his neck. Clutching him so tightly to her it hurts. She sobs, feeling his small frame finally in her embrace, his long hair tickling her neck, his little arms wrapped around her.

Rick is behind them in a flash, about to hug the both of them when Cecily is upon them, out of breath and tears streaming down her face. "What are you doing?" She yells lounging for Xander.

"No!" Xander screams, practically climbing up Kate as she stands, and whisks him out of the other woman's reach.

"He's my son!" She's screaming. Rick has to hold her back. "Why are you taking him!" She's hysterical her body fighting against Rick's hold.

Kate's legs are shaking, tears streaming down her face as she holds Xander's trembling body to her. One hand under him, the other keeping his head in her neck. Kate watches as a few uniforms run by her, taking hold of the shattered woman who falls to a heap on the ground. As though her reality has come crashing down on her once again. She stops screaming for her son; instead, lets the officers hoist her up and walk her to one of their cars, where her sister emerges.

Rick's arms are around the two of them once Kate turns her back to the grieving woman. Kate's sobs get louder, and she can feel the small tears of her son soaking into her shirt. Rick pulls back a little, kissing Kate anywhere he can reach, his hands smoothing over his sons back, Kate loosens her own hold, so she can take a better look at her boy. She wipes the tears from his eyes, those beautiful blue eyes she's been yearning to look into since he went missing. His flecks of green shining back at her, more visible than ever on the edge of the tears brimming in his eyes. She kisses his face repeatedly as her own happy tears stream down her cheeks.

"I knew you would find me." Xander whispers, a small smile creeping onto his face as he looks between both his parents.

"We will always find you." Rick says, cupping his son's cheek, kissing the top of his head several times and then bringing his family into a hug.

"Oh, Xander." Kate whispers into her son's tiny body. She holds on tight, feeling the strong embrace of Rick at her back and her son's arms around her neck. She finally has both of her blue eyed boys in her arms.

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><p><strong>The End<strong>

** I would love reviews! **

**A/N I was shocked at the response this story got! I thank all of you who have reviewed, and those of you who added my story to their favorites/Alerts! You're all the best! My poor writer heart can't take it!**

**I will have an Epilogue up for you sometimes soon. So there is a little something to look forward too. :D**


	8. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

The world has a darkness no one dares to seek... it's full of cruelty and hatred. Shadows so thick, holes so deep, there would be no thought of finding your way out. Because for some. There is no way. The shadows have a mind of their own. Hungry. Searching for those too far gone. Lost in their ways and hopeless. It found Cecily Gilmore. Stole into her life and ate at her broken soul like a dark entity. Feeding off her defeat.

And she let it. Let it consume her in it's darkness while it fed her lies and false hope. It's sole purpose was meant to tare her down till all there was left was remorse. The thing the shadows live off of. Drove her to do something she didn't know was so wrong. She didn't mean it. She was just too lost. So when the time came to convict poor Cecily of kidnapping Alexander James Castle... Katherine Beckett- Castle made a decision. She knows what it's like to be a mother. To feel for another human being so deeply, and with so much love. Does she know what it's like to lose a child. Suffer as Cecily did? No. But she knows what it's like to lose a mother. It's nearly the same. And like Cecily Gilmore. Kate Beckett let in the darkness. Embraced it.

What do we do with the broken? The truly lost who only want to be found? We certainly don't put them in jail for their cruel misfortunes.

Kate sits on her their bench in the park, pondering the world and it's mysterious ways. It's motives. The sun is high in the sky. It's warmth enveloping her in it's embrace. And she smiles. Against all she knows, all she's been through. Kate smiles.

The world may try it's damnedest to bring us down. Hold us in it's harsh devastating grasp, until we feel as though we have nothing left to give. Some of us give up. To the point were we breathe our last breath and hope to the sky, whosoever up there, that the life we have been leading was worth it. That we lived it the way we were meant. Through the ups and downs. Hopefully it was filled with more happiness than sorrow. That we got handed us a fair amount of good over the bad.

But then there are those of us. Like the Castle's. Where it's not the black and white logic of the world that blinded them from the shadows of gray. They know it all too well. Have lived through many a fog to their point where the light couldn't shine through no matter how hard they tried. But they never gave up. They saw through the darkness of lost souls and anger... And stepped into the light of Innocence. It's the innocence that we try to hold onto for as long as possible. It's as though nothing can touch you there.

Her hair bounces around in chestnut brown curls. Her laughter filling their souls to the brim. Their cups runneth over. And it's those eyes, searching them out, asking for permission to live, that keeps that smile on Kate's face. The eyes of her children. Blue and Green. Their innocent hearts and untainted minds. Cherish it, she thinks. For as long as possible. And if life gets hard, Fight. Because if she's learned anything in this harsh world. There is nothing more pure than the lives she's created. It's in their smiles. How they light up her and her families life. With just the small cork of their lips. It's in their little bodies that embrace her and Rick when they need it most, or just because. It's in the moments shared, and moments past.

It's two years later, and Kate and Rick Castle, spend the day at the park with their children... The first time they have brought little Johanna Katharine Castle, to play with her older brother on the playground. He's been chattering on about it all week. Asking when can they bring Hannah to play? And it's only been in the past year and a half that he's been completely comfortable back in the park. The traumatizing event of his kidnapping will never be forgotten. But just like his parents. Xander is a fighter. He doesn't let the fear keep him from living his life.

Kate's eyes drift to the lone tree at the corner of the playground. It stands alone now. Absent of that poor broken women who fought so hard for her son who had passed away. Kate understands the woman. She had given Cecily the only thing she could to help her cope. A break. Instead of a jail sentence. Cecily was sent to a psychiatric facility to help with her depression and her slip from reality. And jail would have only torn her apart more. Perhaps even killed her. No. Kate thought she deserved that chance to live again.

An arm warps around Kate's shoulder. Bringing her back to the present. She looks beside her, seeing her Husband holding little Hannah on his lap. Bouncing her up and down on his knee. Her soft little giggles rise a warmth in her, and she can't help but reach out and caressing her daughters cheek with her finger. Rick stops bouncing their little green eyed girl, and leans into his wife's shoulder. Kissing her on the lips briefly before standing up. Hannah slides off his knees, her tiny feet hitting the ground beneath her with an almost inaudible sound.

Kate smiles so wide at the sight of Richard Castle standing with his large hand enveloping their daughters. He calls Xander over. The blue eyed boy, his hair shaggy over his forehead, bounds over, taking his other hand. The three stand with their backs to Kate. Ricks head inclines to his little ones and he's talking to them excitedly. Kate pulls out her camera. She brought it for this special occasion. And snaps a picture of her family, her heart swells to a size she didn't think was possible.

"Ready to play, Hannah?" Rick asks, crouching onto his knees in front of the mirror image of Kate.

"Are you?" Xander asks his sister, hopping in his uncontainable excitement.

Beautiful baby Hannah nods her head, biting her lip, and looking out at the other kids.

"Okay then." Rick says. He takes both her hands in his, kissing them, which makes her giggle, and then pulls Xander close. He puts Hannah's small hand into Xander's slightly bigger one. "You keep her close okay?" He tells the nearly seven year old.

Xander smiles, looking down at his baby sister, his blue eyes shining into her green. "Always."

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><p><strong>Acknowledgments: I would first like to thank my Beta Jasperwright. And my good friend Jerryst316 for their help with parts of this story. I would also like to thank all you readers who have added me or my story to their FavoritesAlerts. And those of you who have reviewed. I hope you all thoroughly enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it :D I am truly Grateful.**

**Always**


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